How to Reclaim the Mom You Dreamed of Being (Without the Guilt)

The Mom You Always Wanted to Be? She’s Still In There. Here’s How to Find Her Again.

You ever have one of those nights where bedtime turns into an Olympic event? You’re climbing into bunk beds, negotiating one more song, one more drink, one more back rub—until suddenly you wake up in a crick-neck fog, realizing you fell asleep right there on the edge of a twin mattress with a pile of stuffed animals digging into your ribs?

Yeah. That was me last night.

I’d been sitting with my three-year-old for nearly 45 minutes, hoping to make a quiet exit so I could tackle the kitchen, maybe squeeze in some work, or—dare I dream?—get a few minutes to myself. But instead, I conked out sitting up, and my night was over before I even got started.

In the moment, that stretch of time felt so long. But then this morning, I opened up a text thread from my sister. It was her son’s birthday, and she had shared a string of old photos—ones that included my oldest son, who used to toddle around with her boy when they were tiny.

Cue the tears.

Looking at those chubby-cheeked, curly-haired preschoolers, I was hit with a jolt of reality: my oldest is in middle school. That sweet little boy is now over five feet tall, wearing deodorant, and asking deep questions about the world.

And just like that, my heart whispered:
Have I used the time well? Am I raising him into the man he was meant to become?

That’s when I remembered something I wrote in my journal when I was 11 years old: a list of things I would and wouldn’t do when I became a mom. (One of them? “Never take away cable TV.” Clearly, I had priorities.)

But jokes aside, I realized something important:

Before I even became a mom, I had a vision for the kind of mother I wanted to be.

And maybe you did too.

Maybe you imagined cheering from the soccer sidelines. Or raising kind, confident kids who love to travel. Or never yelling. Or being fully present, even on hard days.

But then… life.
Bills. Diapers. School pickups. Spaghetti on the ceiling.
And slowly, that vision can fade.

But here’s the good news:

That vision you had? That mom you dreamed of becoming? She’s not gone. She’s just waiting for you to remember her.

And today is the perfect time to do just that.

Why Moms Need a Vision—Yes, You Too

I know, I know. “Vision” sounds like one of those buzzwords from a corporate retreat. But stay with me.

In business, the best companies spend serious time crafting their vision and mission. They refer to it when making decisions, hiring, launching new products—everything is aligned to that vision. Why? Because it gives them a filter. A focus.

Now, think about your home as the most important organization you’ll ever run. (Because it is.)
Don’t you deserve a vision too?

Not a Pinterest-perfect version of who you should be. But a real vision—grounded in your values, your hopes, and your heart for your kids.

The Power of Rediscovering Who You Want to Be

When I work with moms inside Mom MBA, one of the first things we do is revisit this question:

What kind of mom do I want to be?

And not just in theory. But practically—what does that look like when your toddler’s melting down in the grocery store or your teenager slams their bedroom door?

Without a vision, we react to life.
With a vision, we lead our life.

A Quick (but Powerful) Vision-Setting Exercise

You don’t need a whiteboard or a vision board. Just a notebook, a pen, and a few quiet minutes. Ready?

Start with these four questions:

1. What kind of parent do I wish to be?
2. What values do I want to instill in my children?
3. What does success look like for my family?
4. What do I consider success for me as a mom?
   
   

Don’t overthink your answers. Just write what comes to mind.

Then, take a deep breath and try to distill your thoughts into 1–3 sentences that reflect the kind of mom you want to be.

Here’s an example:
“I want to be a calm, consistent presence in my children’s lives. I want them to know they’re deeply loved, even on hard days. And I want to model faith, kindness, and courage every step of the way.”

Got yours?

Now take that statement and do this next part—it’s so important:

Write it on paper and put it where you’ll see it every day.
Tape it to your bathroom mirror, your closet wall, the fridge—someplace it can speak to you when the days feel long and your patience feels short.

The Airplane Metaphor That Changed My Motherhood

A pilot once told me that when flying from LA to New York, a plane is off-course 99% of the time.

Wait, what?

Yep. But because the plane knows its destination, it constantly makes tiny micro-adjustments—and still lands exactly where it’s supposed to.

That’s what your vision does.

It doesn’t require perfection.
It doesn’t mean you never yell or forget spirit day or serve cereal for dinner.
It means you keep coming back to what matters.

You reset. Realign.
And over time, you arrive at the kind of motherhood you always wanted.