The Most Important Estate Planning Choice Moms Are Avoiding

Who Would Raise Your Kids? The Estate Planning Decision Too Many Moms Avoid

You’ve probably thought about it in the back of your mind.
Maybe in a quiet moment after the kids are asleep.
Maybe while scrolling news headlines or sitting in a hospital waiting room.

“If something ever happened to me… who would raise my kids?”

It’s a question most moms avoid.
It feels uncomfortable. Overwhelming.
Too big to answer—so it gets pushed to “later.”

But here’s the truth:
If you don’t choose their guardian, the courts will.
And you may not like their choice.

So today, we’re not talking about all the estate documents.
We’re going deep on just one: the guardian designation.
Because this single decision could shape your child’s entire future.

Why Guardianship Matters (More Than You Think)

If you’re a mom of minor children, your will should include a clear guardianship plan—stating who you want to raise your children if you pass away or become incapacitated.

But here’s the kicker:
More than 57% of parents with minor children have no will at all.
(Caring.com 2023 Survey)

That means millions of children could be left in limbo—or placed in homes that don’t reflect their parents’ values, faith, or parenting approach—simply because no legal guardian was chosen in writing.

What Happens If You Don’t Name a Guardian?

Let’s say the unthinkable happens—and you and your spouse are no longer here.

Without a legal guardian listed in your will:

• The court must step in and assign someone to care for your kids.
  
• Multiple family members may fight for custody (or avoid it altogether).
  
• Your children may spend time in temporary foster care while the court decides.
  
  

Even if someone steps up with the best intentions, the process can be slow, public, and emotionally traumatic—for your children and your extended family.

And here’s the wild part:
The person the court chooses may not be who you would’ve picked.

What a Guardian Really Does

Naming a guardian isn’t just about who your kids will live with. It’s about who will:

• Guide them through grief
  
• Instill your values
  
• Make decisions about their education, health, faith, and routines
  
• Raise them into the adults you hoped they’d become
  
  

This isn’t a surface-level task. It’s one of the most important leadership decisions you’ll ever make as a mom.

The 3 Most Common Fears Moms Have About Choosing a Guardian

When I talk with other moms inside the Mom MBA community, I hear the same fears come up over and over again:

1. “No one is the perfect fit.”

You’re right—no one will parent exactly like you. But perfection isn’t the goal.
Instead, look for someone who:

• Shares your core values
  
• Would love and protect your child wholeheartedly
  
• Is willing and able to take on the responsibility
  
  

You can even leave written letters, instructions, or recorded videos to guide your chosen guardian in the decisions that matter most to you.

2. “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Naming a guardian is not a popularity contest.
You’re not choosing who you love the most—you’re choosing the person best suited to raise your children with the life and values you want for them.

This doesn’t have to be public information. You’re allowed to make the best choice without making it everyone’s business.

3. “What if my first choice can’t do it?”

That’s why your will can include alternate guardians—so if something changes down the road, your backup plan is already in place.

How to Choose the Right Guardian: 5 Guiding Questions

If you’re unsure where to start, here are five powerful questions to ask yourself:

1. Who shares your parenting philosophy and beliefs?
   Think about your approach to discipline, faith, education, and emotional development.
   
2. Who has the emotional and physical capacity to care for your kids?
   This includes health, energy, lifestyle, and stability.
   
3. Who do your kids already know and feel comfortable with?
   While not required, familiarity can ease the transition if this ever became reality.
   
4. Who has a supportive environment—both relationally and financially?
   Your will can direct money or assets to help, but the household dynamic matters too.
   
5. Would this person want the responsibility?
   The best guardian is one who says “yes” with love and commitment.
   
   

How to Make It Legal

Once you’ve chosen a guardian, the next step is getting it in writing.

✅ Add the guardian designation to your Last Will and Testament
✅ Include alternate guardians in case your first choice becomes unavailable
✅ Talk with your chosen guardian ahead of time to make sure they’re on board
✅ Review and update the designation every few years or after major life changes

You can do this through an estate planning attorney (recommended), or as part of a comprehensive system like what I teach in Docs In A Row™.

What If You Change Your Mind Later?

Great news—your will is not carved in stone.
You can update your guardian designation at any time.

In fact, I recommend reviewing it:

• Every 3–5 years
  
• After the birth of a new child
  
• After a significant life event (like divorce, death, or relocation)
  
  

Life evolves—and your plan should evolve with it.

A Final Word from One Mom to Another

Look, I know how heavy this topic can feel.
We’d all rather think about summer trips and bedtime snuggles—not worst-case scenarios.

But here’s the shift that changed everything for me:

Estate planning isn’t about fear—it’s about love.

It’s about showing up for your kids, even if you’re not physically there.
It’s about giving them stability, clarity, and care—no matter what.